Is anal sex wrong? I asked my husband to do it with me once because I was curious about how it might feel. But was I wrong to experiment this way? So which is it? The sexual questions I received were so varied and numerous, I was motivated to earn my sex therapy accreditation.
Although I enjoy thinking through and formulating answers to these types of questions, I have often wondered why many within the LDS framework are willing to forfeit their personal, adult authority and gift of agency when it comes to approaching sexual decisions.
Are we so trained to look toward the pulpit for direction that we forget our own capacity and right to choose sexual practices as a marital unit? Although the principles behind the law of chastity can be quite beautiful and protective in nature, it seems that our approach to teaching sexual morality is influenced by so much angst and discomfort on the part of parents, teachers, and overall Mormon and American culture that it leaves many people unprepared to become sexually mature adults.
Even after all of my training, I am still full of personal biases and cultural blinders. Further, at what level should we give our ecclesiastical leaders a body of largely white, American males with little to no evidence-based sexual training carte blanche to issue sexual commands, advice, and parameters in the name of Godβutterances that can often ignore the complex, individual experiences of the many members of the Church?
I have grown increasingly concerned about the types of sexual teachings being presented at firesides, standards nights, EFY conferences, and campus devotionals. More often than not they exacerbate shame and promote a fear-based approach to sexuality. I worry that these approaches produce unintended emotional consequences and potential for long-lasting dysfunction. I hope to explore some of these questions and their implications in future installments of this column. As you read this and future columns, I hope you will be open to my thoughts and ideas, but I also hope you will be critical.
