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Prototypical Shidduch material FrumPics I received an e-mail from young man who asked to be identified only by his initials, JS. He otherwise prefers to remain anonymous. Considering the sensitive nature of his post I have agreed.
His letter follows. This letter was obviously written out of a sense of frustration at what he believes are flaws in the Shidduch system. As I have said before many times, the dating game in the Charedi world has evolved into something untenable as evidenced by the massive numbers of young women who have little to no chance of getting married once they reach the age of But as JS points out, it is not the one way street as is commonly believed.
There are plenty of men who fall into that category. I know some very fine Charedi men who are still not married well into their 40s. It is because they do not measure up to the ideal mate that young Charedi women are indoctrinated to seek: The full time learner. While being Charedi in every other sense these young men have opted to prepare for and join the workforce.
They set aside time for Torah study either before or after work. Sometimes both. The fact is that there are a lot of fine young Charedi men who are simply not cut out for the Yeshiva life for various different and very legitimate reasons. This is why many young men of dating age become students in Lakewood Yeshiva. Which is a policy of not letting their students date for at least six months so as to discourage those who attend their Yeshiva mostly for dating purposes.
There are a few brave young Charedi men who realize that staying full time in the Beis HaMedrash is not the best use of their time. They realize that their strengths lie elsewhere. Instead of staying in a Yeshiva and learning Torah at a mediocre level because of peer pressure or for Shidduch purposes - they opt for choosing careers where their true talents lie, prepare for them⦠and then go to work.