Emotions can make us impulsive and impair our better judgment. We are human, and therefore imperfect beings. When the inevitable happens and we do care about our partner, we really need to work towards repairing the relationship. Repair usually requires an apology. And, why is it so hard to offer up these same words to others? Here is what I took away from it. The first is a gift to the hurt person. We feel unseen.
We obsess, ruminate, grit our teeth, or distance when we feel wronged by another. Apologies are also a gift to the apologizer. Apologizing can be scary because it can make us feel like we are giving up something, waving the proverbial white flag, perhaps providing ammo to be used against us at a later time!
If the hurt party is open enough to hear us, their respect for us might just go up a notch. The final gift is to the relationship. Apologies are necessary to work towards repairing relationship ruptures. We can sense when an apology is not genuine, when the person saying the words are just trying to get it over with.
It often leaves the hurt party more hurt, upset and distant. And if it happens over and over in a relationship, it can tear apart an otherwise well meaning couple. Think of it as a compilation of small cuts that receive inadequate care. Without antiseptic, bandage, and attention No wonder one argument leads to a totally different unresolved issue! As important as the apology itself is, the hurt party needs to be willing to receive the apology, as long as the trespass is not abusive.
When your partner genuinely wants to make amends, that response can come across as minimizing their efforts. As noted earlier, the apology is for the apologizer too. Instead, try this: thank the apologizer for the apology. Your apology means a lot to me. It honors the cut and opens the doors for proper healing Lerner highlights nine keys to an apology that works:.
