I have been living with this man for 18 months. Four months ago I found a text on his phone asking for a sensual massage. When I confronted my partner, he admitted he likes getting getting a hand job from other men every so often, but that he never touches them.
But it turns out one of the men texted him confirming their reciprocal sexual experience. When confronted, my partner admitted that he is also sometimes having sex with these men.
If I ask him to stop, I fear he would just do this behind my back. Can you advise? But the worst part of your email is that you appear to have no voice in this relationship, so you feel you simply cannot tell him to cease and desist, and you fear you cannot make an agreement with him and trust that he will keep that agreement.
You need a voice in this relationship, because your relationship is for you as well as for him. You are clearly not okay with what he is doing, so I would advise you start there.
Tell him his behavior hurts, angers and threatens you, and that you want him to stop having any sexual or erotic contact with anyone else, regardless of their gender. You could also ask him how satisfied he is with your relationship and with your sex life, and if there are any changes he would like to request. You get to answer the same questions also, by the way. You might ask him what is he getting outside the relationship that he is not getting at home.
