One of the most common questions our therapists get asked is: What is the difference between caretaking and caregiving? In order to answer this question, we first need to talk about codependency. Codependency is a behavioral pattern, typically learned in childhood, that arises from difficult, traumatic, or unstable home environments. For example, a child living with a parent or family member who has substance abuse or is emotionally unavailable or abusive may develop codependent behaviors.
These behaviors then go on to create a series of unhealthy future relationships. There are two common roles that partners play in a codependent relationship. The result is an unhealthy, unbalanced relationship where one partner gives too much and the other takes. Care taking vs.
As we mentioned, caretaking is a major indicator of a codependent relationship. A partner who is caretaking will give too much to their partner and to the relationship and too little to themselves. The result can be low self-esteem, emotional highs and lows, exhaustion, resentment, or anxiety.
Caretaking behavior is rooted in fear and insecurity not in love and manifests as the need to control the other person or situation. A lack of personal boundaries; a lack of respect for the boundaries of others. Feeling that other people are taking advantage of you; having strings attached when you give to others.
Attracting dramatic relationships and needy or abusive people. A lack of trust that other people can solve their own problems and take care of themselves. Caregivin g, on the other hand, is caring for another person out of love and kindness; no fear, no insecurity, no strings attached. Having clear boundaries for yourself and respecting the boundaries of others. Putting yourself and your needs first, knowing you can only help other people when you are taken care of.
