Next to instructions on how to move your ass and young love, one of the most popular topics for hit songs is what to do when someone cheats on you. Most recommend some combination of tequila, several one-night stands, and property destruction.
Very few suggest trying to work it out, having hard conversations, and practicing the painful art of forgiveness. Unfortunately, even in a post- Lemonade world, there is a lot of stigma around staying. Assumptions like these ignore the complicated web of considerations that go into deciding what to do after infidelity is revealed. Esther Perel, noted relationship therapist, wrote a book called State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity , encouraging people to try to understand how and why affairs happen, but also how a relationship might get better βwith lots of workβafter infidelity.
In practice, it tends to be uncommon for a relationship to survive instances of cheating. Some statistics put that number much higher, especially when it comes to married folks; clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.
For her part, she was afraid of confronting me about it. We sort of talked, I took her back, and we started going out again. Looking back, I think that was a mistake. We should have had a much longer conversation about what made her want to cheat, why she decided to do that in the first place, and what could be done in the future to prevent it from happening again.
I was honest about everything and I think they appreciated that they didn't have to search for the truth. They asked a ton of questions and had a ton of emotions. I felt they had the right to all of them. I was selfish and took immediate validation when it was available to me, so I should be as selfless as possible to provide them with as much validation as they needed for as long as I could.
