January is a good time to get the hell out of Chicago for a few days, yes? Have you ever had a crush that just felt unshakeable and like it was making you stupid?
What cured you? True story: Over a decade ago I had a longstanding crush on a very close friend. We were one of those inseparable pairs. We worked together, did everything together, people constantly mistook us for a couple. We already do everything together! In my defense, it was Washington D.
I found one chill, not-ugly dude who had interesting things to say in his paragraphs and seemed interested in my paragraphs to the point of eating lunch with me every day and hanging out with me both days of every weekend and eventually living 2 doors down in the same building ; I was going to hold onto him for dear fucking life. Then I recopied the entire thing so the handwriting would be nicer and there would be fewer ellipses.
Comprehensive, funny, heartfelt, sexy, and above all supremely logical cases for why you and I should be together, In My Pants, Love Always, Me. Instead of sensibly setting this letter on fire, I put it in an envelope, walked to his house, hung out with his roommate for a bit, excused myself to go to the bathroom, snuck into his bedroom, and left the note on his pillow.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/young-couple-kissing-sunset-getty-primary-1023-9e0dde201f404db4a560a1b5f97f4adc.jpg "Woman in St. Gallen")
It gets better, you guys. Because we worked together. We were friends first. I left the letter on a Sunday. So on Monday, I would go to work and see him, right? And he would have read the letter? And hopefully he would return those feelings, or, at the very least, accede to one experimental banging to see if those feelings were real and a good idea I had presented this as a logical possibility in the letter, because, did I mention the part where we had zero sexual chemistry or flirting?
