Sex in marriage is generally routine, comfortable and safe. Sex after divorce is unpredictable, awkward. After divorce, some take their time, forming relationships before sex. Others jump in. Whatever the situation, the popular consensus is that sex with someone new after years of marriage is a bit like becoming a teenager all over again. He was nurturing and treated me like it was the first time. There was a lot of anxiety leading up to it and in the beginning.
Then after we got going, it was great. If the sex in a marriage was unsatisfying or repressive, new sexual relationships are an opportunity to make up for lost time. He was a friend for eight months, and it was a complete sexual healing. It felt natural. I was mentally ready. I was excited and scared. Although it may not feel like it at the time, sometimes divorce provides a sexual and emotional springboard. Then there was birth control.
I was expected to have condoms on hand or else. Until 10 years ago, that is, when he met his current wife, whose sexual adventurousness proves that marriage and passion are not mutually exclusive, he said. There is always a risk of using sex to regain control or to mask feelings of abandonment, rejection, anger and depression, the emotional fallout of divorce, said Ron Levine, a Van Nuys clinical psychologist and human sexuality expert.
Casual sex is not an effective way to deal with unresolved emotional issues. No matter how exhilarating the romp, unreconciled feelings will be there like a hangover the next morning. Sexual and love feelings often are confused. Kathleen Kelleher can be reached via e-mail at kellehr gte. De Los. Times Everywhere. For Subscribers. All Sections. LA Times Studios. Live Stream. Times Store. About Us. Special Supplements. Share via Close extra sharing options.
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