I was on my first date in 14 years, and I was excited, nervous and sober. In my car, waiting for my date to approach, I was feeling and looking good. I got this. He texted me he just parked, and I stepped out of my car, my stomach in knots. As he waved over at me, I was elated because he was tall and handsome. We went to the movies. We shared a large bucket of popcorn, into which he poured some butter and sprinkled chocolate Milk Duds that melted in my mouth.
I had the best time. Sober is not boring, but it can be lonely. I am two-and-a-half years clean, and in , I only dated one person. Before I got sober, I was in a year relationship. The whole time I was with my ex-partner, I was drinking and using drugs. We would use together, and when things got very volatile between us, I was kicked out of our townhouse and that was the end of that partnership. The very next day, I quit cold turkey and have been in recovery since.
What did sobriety do for me? It made me the happiest, most secure person I have ever been. I assumed that once I got sober, it would be easy to go on dates. Is it easier? No, it is not. I have had many struggles when it comes to dating.
I have scrolled and swiped through hundreds of profiles. My first red flag is when I see a person holding a shot glass, wine glass, or beer bottle in their main profile photo. Using a picture like that on your dating profile does not mean you are an alcoholic, but it probably means you are a social drinker. My question is, Can I handle that? I have completely liberated myself from alcohol in my life, and I do not want to kiss someone on the mouth who just downed a shot of Patron.
One fact I make very clear in my bio on these dating apps is that I would prefer to date someone who is also sober. That said, I do not have a problem with places where people are drinking. I can hang out at bars with friends, or dance at a club with a mocktail in one hand.
