Each kink—and there are so, so many—has its own language, its own universe within it. For impact play, the vocabulary is in a variety of implements, from floggers to paddles to whips. For rope, there are different dialects in ties for humiliation, pain, restraint. The acronym BDSM references for more than one thing, like the world it describes.
It can mean bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism. It is a vast and diverse world, encompassing seemingly infinite combinations of sexual and nonsexual kinks, gender, and sexual orientation, as well as a continuum of preferences.
But for the most part, these languages have been kept hidden or suppressed. Vanilla what kinky people call the non-kinky people have been misrepresenting BDSM stories for too long. In their own words interviews condensed for clarity , they share some of what they enjoy: their complicated relationship to pain; the intense connection, intimacy, and vulnerability with others; the explicit communication and consent.
Some incorporate aspects of BDSM mostly in sex, while for others it is a lifestyle. None of them wished to be identified by name, for fear of repercussions socially and professionally—pseudonyms are used to ensure anonymity. Who knew that I was such a masochist? I enjoy it if it gets me somewhere. If it makes me feel stronger. If it brings me closer to someone. And I suppose I like testing my limits. The only way for me to know where they are is to cross them, break them. It started out pretty gradually.
A playful spanking, and as he put it, I responded well. Eventually, we were talking about safe words, the importance of communication, and I was bent over his knee, and he was hitting my ass with his hand and then a wooden spoon. We graduated to a leather strap, belts, paddles.
