I have been with my boyfriend for over 12 years. We are happily in love, our sex life is great, and we are truly best friends as well as romantic partners in life. We bought our own home together in after living together since I used to daydream about being married to him because he has been there for me in the worst times and best times. I look at it more of a loving commitment βnot a ring and a party. However, recently the last 2 of our big and close friend group have gotten engaged.
And we are now the only couple still together within our entire friends group and family who are not engaged. People used to bother us about getting married but that fizzled away thankfully. What the hell is wrong with me and how do I deal with this? These are often some of the most frustrating problems because⦠well, why in pluperfect hell is it upsetting you so much? Or are you just being weird about this for some benighted reason?
I suspect there are two things that are eating at you, ATB, and I suspect that much of it comes from the cultural significance around marriage, particularly within the US. The first is the significance placed on marriage and being married. One of the things that gets drilled into all of us, almost constantly, is the importance of marriage. When you strip away the legal benefits joint filing of taxes, next-of-kin and power of attorney laws, inheritance, etc , marriage is basically ultimately just symbolism.
Not wanting to be married is supposed to be a sign that something is wrong β either with the person or with the relationship. This is part of why right-wingers and bigots lose their goddamn monkey minds over things like gay marriage; in their minds, it puts queer relationships on the same level as hetero ones.
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Would that seal actually change anything? Not really. I mean, you can see it in the very language we use to describe relationships; calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend has a different weight or heft than calling them your husband or wife or spouse.
