Often people including ourselves are quick to judge these people. We write them off as emotional wrecks. We label them. We shame them. Sometimes crazy behavior is a symptom of trauma and pain.
A lot of times crazy behavior hides deeper issues. From the moment we are born we start to develop a sense of self and belonging. We start to develop an idea of whom we are, how others feel about us, and where we fit in the world. Generally speaking, if children have healthy parents and feel loved and secure at home, they will grow up secure and will have secure adult relationships. These wounds need to be worked through; otherwise, they continue to manifest over and over again with every new relationship.
For as long as I can remember I have felt pain and fear of being alone. I have always had long and fulfilling friendships with both women and men, but for as long as I can remember I have a hard time with romantic relationships. I absolutely love men. I am Brisa. I think I love you. Please complete me and fulfill every part of my life that is in need of fulfillment. Allow me to focus obsessively on your life to subconsciously avoid fixing all that is wrong with mine.
And when they left, my crazy behavior kicked in full force. I would chase and beg and humiliate myself in every city and every country we would be in. The thought of being alone again, abandoned by yet another male, would consume every rational thought in my brain, and before I knew it only the irrational ones were left. Show up half naked and with flowers. Show up uninvited and beg him to take you back! If you can think of any crazy behavior, I have probably done it.
And I have probably done it more than once. I threw away my dignity and destroyed my reputation. All fueled by fear and pain, and in the name of love.
