She sat by herself at the bar of the restaurant. Her only company was a book. I sidled up near her, two stools apart, maybe three, as casual as I could muster. Her face quickly went from confusion to disgust. My mind raced for some sort of recovery. Some sort of new, more clever joke to make up for my failed attempt at my original, semi-clever joke.
Nothing came. In the past, I sulked away in this situation having embarrassed myself again. But this time something in me snappedβor not snapped, but rather, something resigned itself. I just wanted to say hi. The air eased between us a bit. It was a nice tryβ¦ I guess.
And what most of it misses is that attraction, seduction, intimacy, sex, whatever you want to call itβis an emotional process, not a physical or social one. What matters is the intention, the motivation, the authenticity. To improve your dating life , you must improve your emotional life βhow you feel about yourself and others, how you express yourself to others, etc.
A beautiful woman makes us feel aroused, so we pursue sex with her. If we feel cared for, respected and admired by her, we pursue a relationship with her. But women experience sexuality differently than we do, so it can be a bit more complicated and hard for us to decipher what makes them feel attracted to us. But the principle remains the same. Women go with men who make them feel a certain way. There are a number of ways to elicit emotion in a woman, and the way in which you go about eliciting that emotion will determine the quality and quantity or lack thereof of the relationships you have with women.
If you choose to be cold, calculating and manipulative with women, you will naturally screen for women who will create a cold, calculating and manipulative relationship with you. If you pursue women with a neediness and an idealization of them, then you will attract equally naive and insecure women who will create a relationship of neediness and false idolization.
