The genesis of my dating life was filled with optimism. It felt much like starting a new job. The desire to impress and excel was at an all-time high. Others may have come before you and failed but you are going to win. You even wonder why some people fail at something so seemingly simple.
After all, relationships are made up of two people with a mutual understanding. I think what fascinates us about sex is its apparent exclusivity. Although we talk to everyone in general from parents to friends or colleagues, we can only have sex with a limited amount of people in our social circles.
We expect more of an emotional attachment from the person who gets to see us in our naked state. It bothers me that after repeatedly putting myself out there I have not found someone I can pair bond with absolute confidence. The more I reflect on previous relationships, the more difficult it is for me to enter into a new one. I have come across some decent people. One or two that I could at — some point- see myself building a meaningful future with.
Yet relationships are quite complex. They go beyond being naked and having mind-blowing sex. Someone can know so much about you and still not know you. What drives you? What keeps you awake at night? What are your greatest fears? Many people want to be heard but only a few take the time to understand what drives their partner. We are living in challenging times where people can get married today and walk away from their vows the next day.
Most times the phrase means that people have failed to understand each other or find common ground. That is why many people who desperately want to be with someone resort to pretence. My deepest desire is to be understood without judgment. I believe this desire drives so many people as much as it drives me. I want more than sex. I want intimacy. We spend all our lives learning how to cover up and look presentable. We learn appropriate social behaviour that helps us navigate various pathways in society.
